


Red Her and the Good Thing

by elwon



Series: Bizarro Knows Best [6]
Category: Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws Rebirth (Comics)
Genre: Artemis is beyond done, Bizarro is sunshine and joy, Dick has a red head fetish, Fenris is a good boy, Fluff, Jason loves his hoodie, Knitting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-23
Updated: 2017-11-23
Packaged: 2019-02-06 00:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12805536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elwon/pseuds/elwon
Summary: Bizarro gives everyone lovingly handmade knitted gifts.“What Red Her want me to make Red Her?” Bizarro asked, holding up several different coloured balls of wool for her to choose between.





	Red Her and the Good Thing

Since learning to knit, Bizarro has made: a doily for Ma Gunn’s coffee table, a black hoodie with a red bat for Jason, complete with pockets and holsters for his guns. A blue hoodie with a reverse ‘S’ for himself. A dog coat for Fenris, and, after Jason had shown him Labyrinth, a saddle for Pup-pup that attaches to Fenris’ dog coat. Because Bizarro loves the idea of Pup-pup riding Fenris as his noble steed just like Sir Didymus and Ambrosius. He even ended up making a hoodie with the Nightwing logo for Dick in an attempt to stop him from stealing Jason’s, which he had been constantly.

_(“Give it back, Goldie!” Jason tells him, exasperated. He just wants to take Fenris on his evening walk, but Dick won’t give him back his hoodie._

_“No, I look cute in your clothes, you said so! Also it’s so cosy.” Dick pouts, turning the puppy eyes on full force._

_“Bizarro made it for me. He’ll feel bad if I don’t wear it. I know it’s cosy, that’s why I want to wear it!” Jason tries to guilt Dick into returning it._

_“Aw, you’re such a good daddy to him.” Dick teases._

_“Don’t call me that.” Jason looks embarrassed and looks around hoping that no one heard that._

_“But you liked it when I did it last night...” Dick grins, crossing his arms over the red bat symbol._

_“Not in front of our furry child, Dick!” Jason yells as he kneels down to cover Fenris’ ears. Fenris just looks up at the two of them, the look in his eyes a mix of ‘why are my humans so stupid’ and ‘I love them despite that’ and also ‘why are they calling me a furry child? I am fully grown!’)_

Bizarro likes knitting, he likes the click-click-clicking of the needles, he likes the repetitive motions, all the different stitches, and the fact that at the end of a session he has something tangible and practical in his hands is a good thing. That he can spend some time and effort on an object and give it to the important people in his life is another.

So, the only one he hasn’t given anything to is Artemis and she is proving... difficult. Bizarro can’t think what to make her. Dick had offered to help with his ‘superior detective skills’ after Bizarro asking Artemis what she wanted had resulted in a quick brush off.

(“What Red Her want me to make Red Her?” Bizarro asked, holding up several different coloured balls of wool for her to choose between.

“I don’t require anything, Bizarro.” Artemis said, walking off.)

But that had resulted in Artemis threatening to punch Dick if he didn’t stop flirting with her when his ‘subtle interrogation’ had failed. Dick had protested that he wasn’t flirting and so Artemis had continued to glare and stomped over to Jason and draped the end of her ponytail over Jason’s hair. Jason had looked up suspiciously at her hair, as if he expected it to suddenly start strangling him.

_(“It defies the laws of physics! How does it never catch on anything? Why doesn’t it get in the way when she fights? It makes no sense!” Jason finished his rant with a pleading look at Dick._

_“She’s just that good, Jay. She’s an Amazon, you get used to it.” Dick had replied, amused.)_

Dick had swallowed and his face had gone red, and Jason and Artemis had shared a look before saying “Red head fetish” in perfect unison before walking off.

Dick had dramatically thrown himself down on the couch next to Bizarro and apologised for not being able to help in between grumbles about how he wasn’t a red head fetishist, no really, why did no one ever believe him? Bizarro had just patted him on the head very gently (having Fenris around meant that he’d had a lot of practice at it, and he was now confident that he wouldn’t smash anyone’s head open like a raw egg. Well, accidentally anyway. He could definitely do that on purpose. Not that he would) and said nothing in a slightly judgemental fashion while Fenris brought Dick a beer. Dick did a double take at Pup-pup riding Fenris and asked no one in particular, confusion evident in his voice,

“When did our furry child become transport?”

***

By the next day, Bizarro’s rough workings of red edged black squares had multiplied alarmingly. He now had twelve, and still had no clue what to do with them. He sat in front of the tv, playing quietly for background noise, laying them out on the floor. Jason and Fenris returned from their usual morning walk to Bizarro staring in thought at the knitted squares.

“Hey buddy, quite the blanket you’ve got there. You gonna decorate it?” Jason lifts up a square so Fenris can sit down without shedding all over it, Pup-pup still secured to his back. The square covers Jason’s lap easily with space to spare.

“Red Him am smart.” Bizarro tells him, because it’s true and it makes Jason give him a rare, shy smile.

“Well, I wouldn’t go that far.” Jason says, handing back the square to Bizarro, before kicking back to slouch on the sofa in a way that makes Bizarro worry for his spine.

“Red Him am help Bizarro give Red Her present. Thank you, Red Him.” Bizarro says, seriously. He places the square with the others, thinking up a pattern to place the squares in.

“Oh this is for Artemis?” Bizarro nods. “You should put an axe on it, yanno, for Mistress?” Jason suggests.

“Yes, me am put Mistress on square! Red Him think Red Her am like?” Bizarro likes this idea. A little version of Mistress on each square will do nicely and he can make a pleasingly symmetric pattern with them. 

“I’m sure she’ll love it, buddy.” Jason says loudly. “And I’ll yell at her if she doesn’t.” He adds quietly.

Bizarro gets to work stitching in the design of the axe onto the squares and once he’s done that he joins the red edges together with a green that matches Artemis’ eyes. Bizarro takes the blanket to Artemis’ room and spreads it over the bed. He hopes she likes it.

***

It’s several days later and Artemis hasn’t mentioned the blanket. Bizarro’s starting to think that she didn’t like it after all, and he doesn’t want Jason to get into a fight with Artemis. She can still beat him with one hand tied behind her back, although she has grudgingly admitted that ‘the little one has improved since I started training him properly.’ Tonight is movie night and Dick is joining them, wearing the Nightwing hoodie that Bizarro had made him. Jason’s wearing his and Bizarro decides to join in and changes into his. Fenris is still wearing the coat and saddle with Pup-pup firmly attached.

(Jason and Bizarro had had to team up to remove the coat from Fenris. He’d refused to take it off when it needed washing and had sat watching it spin in the washing machine with a sad face and a little whine once they’d wrestled it off him. He’d tried to snatch it out of Jason’s hands when they’d taken it out of the machine sopping wet, and had tried to put it on before it had had a chance to dry. Bizarro is pleased that Fenris loves it so much.)

Artemis arrives last and it’s her turn to pick the movie. Once she’s made her choice of a truly terrible action movie, she surveys them for dissention in the ranks at her choice, but by now they’ve learnt not to complain. And she notices that they’re all wearing Bizarro’s handiwork. She tells them to load the move and disappears for a moment. When she returns, she has the blanket and sits down in her chair, wrapped up in it.

Dick grins and says they should take a picture and use it for their team Christmas card. The twin “Hell no!” from Jason and Artemis make him pout, but Fenris climbs into his lap and demands pettings while the movie finally makes it past the credit sequence, which cheers Dick up enough to start smiling.

Bizarro is happy right now. All his family are in one place, all wearing what he made for them. It’s a good thing.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this is, for now, the end of this series!  
> Thank you to everyone who kudos, bookmarked or commented. You're all awesome. :)b


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